Cal drove Alec to the park on Saturday and told him to call again when he wanted a ride home. “And hey, I decided, you said you could get me some really good seats to a game and I’d give you some free rides. Remember?”
“Yeah.”
“I need two for each game.”
“I thought you said ‘game’,” Alec said, laughing. “You know how expensive really good seats are? I’m talking a little over or under a hundred bucks, depending on where they are. And you’re asking for two each time? These rides aren’t nearly that expensive.”
“Yeah, but you probably can get the tickets free, and you’re having to pay for the rides, so you’d come out ahead.”
“That’s a good point, and you’ve argued it well. I’ll see about getting two tickets. For one game. You want mezzanine or field level?”
“You know, I’ve always wanted to be in one of those private boxes. You must feel like a millionaire in one of those. They even get free food and drinks in there, don’t they?”
“I’m not sure. I always sit in a private box, but no one comes in taking orders or offering anything. Probably depends on the deal you make when you pay for the box. If you ask for catering, I’m sure they have that. You get what you pay for, I’d think. Of course, you’d be paying nothing.” He laughed after saying that, showing this was still a fun conversation, and if it was a negotiation, it was a friendly one.
“I’ll take one of those luxury boxes if you can get it for me. Wow! I never thought I’d get into one of those. That’s sort of like a dream. Living big!”
««« »»»
The park where the picnic was being held was teeming with teenagers when he arrived. He couldn’t see Annie anywhere, making him a bit nervous, but that wasn’t surprising considering the turnout. There had to be at least 100 kids milling around.
There was a table set up with chips and cookies and finger food of all kinds. There were cans of various kinds of soft drinks and bottles of water. The table was doing a lot of business as it was all free.
Alec walked around, gazing at the scenery. The scenery to him was the boys. They came in all shapes and sizes, but he was surprised to find nearly as many girls as boys. Somehow, being gay had always meant boys to him. It was strange to think there were as many gay girls as there were boys.
It wasn’t surprising, he thought, to see small groups of boys and others of girls. Kids felt more comfortable that way, and maybe it made even more sense with gay kids. Everyone seemed happy; smiles were ubiquitous. Alec decided he should wander, seeing if any one boy caught his fancy. He found a lot that were attractive, a lot he’d be happy to talk to. But if they were in groups, two boys or up to five, he couldn’t cut in. He knew other boys would have no problem doing that. Trevor could, and Leo, too. But not him.
So, he began looking for boys not already in a group. There fewer of those. They were probably as shy as he was, he guessed. And just as lonely, too. But they’d come to the picnic. They were brave enough to do that. They were probably hoping to meet someone, too. In their dreams, someone special.
It was while he was looking for the unpaired boys that he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned around to find Annie smiling at him.
“Hi.” He was delighted to see her. He wasn’t alone any longer, and there was no question of whether he belonged here or not.
“Hi. I was looking for you. I have someone for you to talk to. He meets all your qualifications. Well, sorta. He’s not outgoing. A little shy.”
Suddenly, Alec was nervous. “Uh, well . . .”
Annie ignored his hesitation and continued. “But Alec, you have to go easy with him. Think of this as encountering a fawn in the woods who hasn’t learned to fear people but is very cautious about everything and is ready to disappear at the first moment.”
“You mean he’s that shy? I said I wanted someone with some confidence.”
“Maybe. Shyness isn’t quite right. He’s a very special kid, but he seems fragile. I wouldn’t introduce him to very many people. But at the restaurant I got a feeling about you. You’ll hate the word, but I think you’re gentle. I think you’re just the kind of boy he would like to meet. You won’t scare him like a more eager and formidable boy would. Just don’t be aggressive at all. But I don’t think you would be even without that advice.”
Now Alec was interested. Surprisingly to him, he realized he felt the same way; he didn’t want to meet someone who was aggressive, either. It wasn’t that he was cowardly. It had more to do with the sort of person he could get comfortable with. He quickly thought of Tanner, and even Leo. Neither one gave off aggressive vibes.
“Okay,” he said. “I guess this is okay. I’ll try. I’m really not good with new people.”
“You’ll be fine,” she said, laughing. “He’s the one I’m worried about.” She pointed to a boy at the refreshments table. That didn’t help Alec much because the boy had his back to them. “Come on,” she said. “I’ll introduce you.”
“Wait a sec. Have you told him anything about me? That I told you I wanted a boyfriend? If you did that, I can’t possibly meet him. I’d be so embarrassed!”
“No, I haven’t said anything about anyone meeting him. I’ll simply tell him I just found you here, you’re a friend of Trevor’s, and you’re all alone and need someone to talk to. Then it’s up to you. Just don’t come on strong.”
Alec shook his head. “I never do.”
Alec walked with her over to the table. As she approached the boy, he turned, and Alec finally got to see him. Alec stopped in his tracks, dumbfounded. The boy looked just like Tanner, though with a more youthful appearance. It was uncanny.
“Hi, Joel,” Annie said, speaking to the boy. “This is Alec. He’s new here, and he doesn’t know anyone. Doesn’t look like you’re busy. Could you maybe just spend a little time with Alec so he’ll feel a little more comfortable?” Then she turned to Alec and found him still a few steps away. “Alec,” she said, “come on. This is Joel. Joel, this is Alec. I’ve got an errand to do. I’ve got to go.” She smiled at both of them and then walked away.
Joel looked at Alec, uncertain what to do or say, but he wasn’t as discombobulated as Alec was. Alec was in shock. Not only did this boy resemble Tanner, but he was gorgeous, with the looks that gave Alec physical problems that often occurred when he saw cute boys from afar. All Alec’s senses seemed suddenly on fire. This boy was exactly what he was looking for in a boyfriend if he could judge only by appearance. But he’d also heard Annie’s description of his personality, and it too was perfect, even if he was shy instead of confident. Alec could live with that.
Joel had light brown hair with reddish tones, almost bronze, while Tanner had medium brown. They had very similar faces. The most obvious difference was in the demeanor they projected. Tanner was Mr. Confidence. It was only after talking to him you discovered he wasn’t the take-no-prisoners sort he affected.
Joel had none of that confidence. He seemed afraid of his own shadow. He was beautiful, almost too beautiful to be a boy, but one didn’t notice that as it was disguised by how he held himself, how he reacted to people, even by his clothes. He was dressed to be inconspicuous. His T-shirt was oversized and dark blue. The shirt hung on his slight frame, making him look smaller than he was, and it suggested that he was hiding himself in it.
But there was no escaping Joel’s physical resemblance to Tanner, which was what was flabbergasting Alec.
Joel looked at him and frowned. Then he asked, “What’s wrong?”
Even the voice sounded like Tanner’s, or as Alec thought he must have sounded when he was five years younger. Answering Joel’s question wasn’t easy; he couldn’t find the right words.
He did his best. “I’m sorry. I’m just stunned. This might sound weird, but you look almost identical to a friend of mine, and it just startled me.”
Joel stopped frowning, now looking curious. “What’s his name, your friend?”
“Tanner. Tanner Simmons. You might have heard of him. He’s a major league baseball pitcher.”
“With the Angels. Yeah, I know him.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. He’s my brother.”
««« »»»
Alec didn’t know what to say. Tanner had never spoken about his family, other than saying he had a father who wasn’t around much and a mother who was always asking him to do things for her. Alec had read from Tanner’s expression when he had mentioned her that his mother wasn’t the most warm, loving or motherly of mothers on the planet, and her requests that chores and errands be done were annoyances meant to control him. He never asked any more about Tanner’s family; it seemed to be an area Tanner would rather keep to himself. Now, it appeared he had a brother he’d never mentioned, but Tanner seemed the last person on Earth to keep something like that a secret. He was open about everything. Well, Alec thought he’d been.
Alec had told Tanner about his family, about his mother dying, about being an only child. Why wouldn’t Tanner have said something then? Alec had kept his sexuality secret when Tanner hadn’t, but that wasn’t the same thing at all. Tanner had told him that secret to be more open than he needed to be. This was the opposite of that.
At Alec’s suggestion, he and Joel, coming hesitantly, walked away from the mass of kids to where they could talk privately. It was a large park, and they found a shaded place under some trees where no one else was around. They sat on the grass, Indian style, and Alec told Joel how he’d met Tanner, how it had been very recent, but then how he’d visited him in Anaheim and how close the two of them had become.
It appeared to Alec that Joel was becoming sad as he spoke, and he realized he might be stepping in quicksand here. He didn’t have a clue to the relationship the two boys had. He needed to do what he frequently thought he should do when talking to people he didn’t know: shut up and let them talk.
“Joel, can you tell me about, uh . . . I don’t understand. Tanner never mentioned you, and he should have when I told him I didn’t have a brother. I’m confused.”
“Okay. It’s a little strange, I guess.” Alec found himself loving Joel’s soft voice. “Not the way most families work. My parents never got along well that I can remember. My earliest memories are of them fighting. Well, of my mother yelling at my dad. He’s very easy-going; I guess you could call him soft. Like me, I guess. Or that I’m like him. But he doesn’t like being bossed around, and that’s what my mom used to do.
“His response was just to get quieter and quieter, but he often didn’t do what she was demanding he do. It was no surprise that they got divorced. They did that when Tanner was in his last year in middle school and I was in the third grade. The thing that complicated the custody assignment was that Tanner was already a star athlete. His team went to the Little League World Series that year because of his pitching. He was a big deal already, and everyone was looking forward to him pitching for the Grant High team the next year.
“He wanted that, too, because for once they had a great team and he wanted to win a lot to impress scouts. Where this affected me was, the divorce settlement was down to custody, and Tanner wanted to stay with Mom so he could go to Grant. I was perfectly happy to go to Dad. He was nice. Mom was something else again.
“So that’s how the custody agreement was drawn up. Not joint custody. I lived with Dad; he had custody of me. I went into a different school collection area, still in Portland, but not where Grant is. Tanner stayed where he was.
“I liked being with Dad, and I actually knew if I went to Grant when I was old enough, everyone would be thinking I was the next great athlete they’d have, and I knew I wasn’t. I’m not athletic. I’m not much of anything. But I am gay. It wouldn’t have been good. I could be myself and not in Tanner’s shadow living with Dad.”
“But did you see Tanner at all?”
“We didn’t have any contact after that. We’d never been really close. Five years difference in age, and the fact he was so athletic and I wasn’t, both those probably explained that. I admired him. Maybe even idolized him, but he was busy with school and sports and Amanda, and I was me: quiet, shy, and not able to be involved in anything he was doing. He was nice to me, but separate.”
“How do you feel about that? I shouldn’t invade your privacy, but when I started talking about how I knew Tanner, you looked sad.”
“Did I? Well, maybe I’m a little jealous. As I said, I idolized him but never got to know him as just a brother. And now you have. I kinda wish I could know him. I know all about him, how he’s doing, you know? But I don’t know him, really.”
Alec was quiet for a moment, letting this all sink in. Then he asked, “You know, I could call him right now. You could talk to him. Would you like that?”
“Oh! Uh, I don’t know. I don’t want to bother him.”
Alec grinned. “Annie told me you were shy. Up till now, I haven’t seen that at all. But then, I’m shy around new people, too, and you probably haven’t noticed, either. We’ve been too busy talking. I never talk to strangers this way. Maybe you don’t, either. How about this? I’ll call him and ask him about you. Then we can go from there. I won’t put you on unless he wants to talk to you. Is that okay?”
Joel looked worried, but said, “I guess.”
Alec thought of something while pulling up Tanner’s number and placing the call. He knew Joel was gay, and that Tanner was, too. Yet neither of them could possibly know that about the other. It occurred to him there might be all sorts of complications here. Yet he felt a strong attraction to Joel. He couldn’t help wondering how this would play out.
Tanner answered his phone. “Alec! You usually text. What’s going on?”
Alec was suddenly unsure if this was the right way to do this. What if Tanner didn’t want anything to do with his brother? From what Joel had said, he didn’t think that would be true, but should he be making this his business? Probably not. So, what now?
“Uh, well, I just found out something. I discovered you have a brother you never told me about. I don’t know if you were keeping that a secret, or what. But I’ve met him, and I thought I should tell you that. It didn’t seem like something to text.”
“You met Joel?” He sounded very surprised.
“Yeah. He said he idolized you. Yet you never mentioned him. I’m confused.”HeHeHhhhhhhhhh
“Idolized me? That’s nuts. I didn’t even think he liked me.”
“Why’d you think that?”
“I don’t know. Whenever I’d have friends over, he always just left the room. When I wanted to play catch with him, he always had a reason not to. Probably to read a book! But this was a long time ago. How is he? He was ten the last time I saw him. To tell the truth, I haven’t even thought of him for years. I thought he didn’t like me, and, well, I don’t think back on those times. They were tough, the divorce, the decision to live with Mom because of baseball. But tell me about him.”
Alec looked at Joel, who’d been following the conversation. Alec opened his hand, gesturing a question to Joel, asking him with his eyes if he wanted to talk to Tanner.
Joel looked very undecided, but then shook his head. Alec went back to his phone and said, “We should talk about this more, but I’m kind of jammed up here. I’ll call you again when I’m free. You’re probably on your way to the stadium anyway.”
“Yeah, I am. But I want to know about Joel. How you met him, what he’s like, the whole thing.”
“Okay, we’ll do that. Maybe tomorrow.”
“That’ll be good. I’ll be waiting for your call.”
Alec turned off his phone, then looked at Joel. “He wants to know all about you. Actually, I do, too. You told me you’re gay. I am, too. I want to be friends. Are you up for that?”
Joel looked at him and didn’t answer. He suddenly did look as shy as Annie had said. When he finally spoke, it was with a question—actually two of them. “You’re gay? Really?”
Alec nodded. “That’s why I’m here at the picnic. I’m both gay and lonely. I wanted to meet some people, thinking I could make a friend. Then I saw you and my mind went bonkers. Annie said I shouldn’t come on too strong with you, and I know I am. I can’t help it! It’s hard to hold yourself back when you’re lonely and finally meet just the right person.”
Joel wrinkled his forehead, but then grinned. “What makes you think I’m the right person? I’m a mess. I am shy. I don’t know why I don’t feel that way with you, but I can hardly talk to strangers at all. And I’m not athletic at all and I’m timid. I’m a bookworm, and I’m most comfortable when I’m alone. I guess I’m lonely, too, but I don’t mind that. See? I’m a mess.”
“If you’re a mess, then I like messes. You keep telling me you’re not athletic, yet your genes are the same as Tanner’s and he’s really athletic. Are you sure you’re not, too? Have you tried?”
“I don’t like rough sports. I don’t like the physical stuff, getting bumped and shoved. My gym classes allow boys who don’t want to mix into the stuff that can be rough to run laps instead. I always choose that.”
“So maybe you’d be good at baseball, which isn’t as rough as football or basketball or even soccer, if you’d give it a chance.”
“I don’t want to play baseball. I love the sport, love watching it. Maybe that’s because I sometimes get to see Tanner. I do know a lot about it, but if I tried playing, everyone would compare me to Tanner, and I don’t want that.”
“There are sports that aren’t rough,” Alec said. “It’s surprising how much you and I are alike. I feel the same about roughness. So I picked a sport that isn’t. I’m on our swimming team. There’s tennis, too, or track, which you’re already doing. You might be more athletic than you think, although it probably seems that I think that’s important, and it isn’t. What’s important is you not being down on yourself. How can you feel good about yourself if you keep saying you’re not something when you really haven’t even tried it? I don’t care if you’re athletic or not. I do care about how you feel about yourself. You’re no mess. You’re the best-looking boy I’ve ever met, and talking to you, the way you talk, makes you even more attractive to me.”
Joel shuddered, then blushed. “If I only just think of swimming and changing and, you know, I end up getting . . . I don’t want to say it. But it’s why I don’t shower after gym. I just use the sinks to wash up. You have to change into your Speedo to swim, and no way can I get naked in the locker room. I get aroused way too easily. I’m not out at all, anywhere—other than being in the GSA—and I’m only there because of Annie, and lots of those kids are straight. Showering in gym, no. I’m gay, and I’m not about to prove it to anyone!”
Alec grinned at him. “I sure hope you want us to be friends. We have the same problems, the same likes and dislikes, the same thoughts, and right now, just being with you, it’s turning me on so hard I couldn’t stand up without embarrassing myself. See? We’re alike! Tell me you want to be friends.” Alec looked at Joel beseechingly, and Joel looked down at the ground.
Posted 22 March 2025