Second Chances

Chapter 14

“Hi Alex!”

“Hi Jesse! How are you doing?” The two men bumped fists.

“I missed you,” said Alex.

“And I missed you, too. Let’s knock out this workout so we can catch up.”

After some time spent in the weight room, the two walked down the hall to the cardio room. The Y was much quieter than normal, almost as if lots of people had not recovered from the long Thanksgiving weekend. Upon entering the cardio room, Alex glanced around. Seeing that they were alone, he took the opportunity to quickly kiss Jesse’s cheek. “I’ve been waiting nearly a week to be able to do that.”

Jesse smiled in reply, then took Alex’s hand in his for the short walk to the stationary bikes.

“Where did Rhys say he was?” asked Alex as he adjusted the seat on his bike.

“I talked to him briefly this morning. He said he felt under the weather, enough for him to stay home from work today.”

“Well, let’s give him a call once we’re done with our workouts.”

Once they’d completed an hour of cycling, the two relaxed for a few minutes, taking the opportunity to cool down. They then headed to their own automobiles. They’d agreed to return to Jesse’s apartment where they would each shower, then decide what to do for dinner. In the end, they decided to hit up Pepper Jax Grill. Both decided to get relatively healthy bowls for dinner. They found a booth in a corner, sat down, and began to eat.

They each told the other about their Thanksgiving weekends. Jesse had been dying to hear in detail Alex’s coming out story; Alex had been just as eager to hear how Jesse’s visit with his parents had gone. They then talked briefly about the group trip project before returning to Jesse’s apartment.

When they reached Jesse’s, they made themselves comfortable on the sofa. Jesse then called Rhys, his phone on speaker so both he and Alex could hear.

“Hi Rhys. I’ve got Alex here with me. How are you feeling?”

“Hey guys. Well, I’ve felt better. Someone in my family apparently had COVID when they came to Thanksgiving. My brother and his wife both started feeling sick on Thanksgiving day. I tested positive this afternoon.”

“Is anybody really sick?” asked Alex.

“No, I think everybody in the family has had it at least once already. And the whole family was vaccinated, too.”

“Did you get your latest booster shot?” Jesse asked.

“No, I confess I didn’t,” Rhys sheepishly admitted. “It’s just one of those things you put off when you’re busy. So, make sure you guys get your boosters. Fortunately, I’m not too sick. It just feels like I’ve got a cold. Anyway, you won’t be seeing me at the Y this week.”

“Well, let us know if there’s anything you need,” said Alex.

“Yes,” added Jesse. “We can run to the supermarket for you if need some groceries. Or we can bring you some takeaway. Culver’s, Panera, whatever you’d like.”

After hanging up with Rhys, Jesse put his arm around Alex, pulling him close. They’d intended on doing some additional research on Matt’s group trip project, but that was forgotten in favor of some snuggling time. They also shared a few kisses. Somewhere between mere pecks and full-on making out.

Tuesday and Wednesday slid by in similar fashion. Alex and Jesse met at the Y each evening, worked out for an hour and a half, then headed to Jesse’s apartment or Alex’s house for dinner and snuggling. Kissing gradually grew more passionate as the week progressed. Researching ideas for the group trip was forgotten in favor of snuggling and kissing.

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The final day of November dawned cold and blustery. While the first part of the week had been relatively mild with sunny skies, Thursday was anything but. A cold rain fell on and off during the morning hours. By early afternoon, the rain had become steady. The temperature also remained steady most of the day, stuck in the mid-30s Fahrenheit. For Jesse and Alex, life went on despite the cold and dampness. Each went to work during the day, then met at the YMCA directly after work. Alex followed Jesse to his apartment, where they both showered. They had thought about heading back out for dinner, but the unpleasant weather convinced them to stay in. Jesse cooked supper.

Once the meal had been finished, and the dishes washed and put away, Jesse and Alex returned to their favorite place of the week, the sofa. They decided to get serious about putting together trip ideas. They spent the next hour leaning against one another, looking at Jesse’s laptop. Around 9:00 pm, Jesse powered his laptop down and set it to the side. While they’d done some kissing earlier in the week, they spent the next hour making out. Alex was happy to find that Jesse was a damn good kisser. Jesse had no complaints about Alex, either.

Around 10 pm, the kissing largely ceased. The two were somehow lying side by side on the couch, their noses frequently touching. Alex was caressing Jesse’s hair softly, running his fingers through Jesse’s wavy blonde locks. After lying together for several minutes, looking into one another’s eyes, and smiling, Alex broke the silence.

“I really like kissing guys, and I think I know why.”

“Well, of course you like kissing guys,” replied Jesse. “You like guys.”

Alex smiled at the response. “Well, sure, there’s that. But I like stubble. Feeling my cheek brush against that stubble is a turn on for me. If I hadn’t told you before, I really dislike facial hair. Body hair in general. You’ll never see me with a beard or a mustache, and I’m happy you don’t have one, either. But one or two days’ growth of facial hair? I really find the feeling that stubble brushing against my skin to be hot.”

“Alex?” asked Jesse.

“Hmm?”

Jesse hesitated before continuing. “I probably shouldn’t ask right now, it’s really a mood killer.”

“Go ahead and ask. I really should be going soon, anyway.”

“Okay.” Jesse thought a few seconds before asking his question. “Am I the first guy you’ve kissed, or were there others?”

Alex had no idea what Jesse was going to ask. Jesse’s question, however, surprised Alex. He replied with only a second’s hesitation. “A couple of guys. With hookup culture, I don’t think people generally kiss, but a couple times when I was with someone in their apartment or a hotel room, we did make out.”

“Can you tell me about the times you kissed another guy?”

‘Wow,’ thought Alex. ‘Where is this going?’ However, he wanted to be honest and open with Jesse. What Jesse was asking about was personal, but it had happened so many years ago. Granted, Alex had hung onto those memories, recalling them frequently and determined not to forget.

“Well,” Alex replied, “I guess two times stand out for me. In each case, I went to a guy’s apartment. I thought those two were definitely better kissers than any of the girls I’d kissed before.” He then added, “There was one time I did kiss a guy in a more open setting. It was in the Cathedral of Learning at the University of Pittsburgh, which is a totally cool building, by the way. I was cruising this hot guy, but we ended up talking for a while outside the men’s room. He needed to catch a ride, and his ride was leaving shortly, and he felt there wasn’t enough time to mess around. Why I didn’t offer to take him wherever he was going, I don’t know. But anyway, we ended up kissing for a minute or two. The kisses were soft. Gentle. Our lips barely touched. When I’d made out with other guys, it was much more forceful. Mouths wide open and tongues dueling for supremacy. This was just the opposite. And you might not think so, but I found it to be just as hot as making out.”

Softly, Jesse replied, “The way we were kissing just now was rather forceful and open-mouthed. Why don’t you kiss me the gentle way. That way, I’ll be able to compare the two.”

After kissing one another in the gentlest way possible, lips barely brushing together, for more than a minute, Jesse suddenly opened his mouth, then all but pried Alex’s open with his tongue. The kissing went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. Jesse then broke the passionate kiss with as much suddenness as he’d started it with. “Hmm,” he said. “I liked both.”

Alex quietly responded, “Me too.”

After lying side by side, smiling as they looked into each other’s eyes, for another moment, Alex broke the mood. “I guess I should be going.” He climbed off the couch and stood up. Jesse then swung his legs around, returning to the sitting position. “I’m going to hit the bathroom before I go.”

After draining his bladder, then washing and drying his hands, Alex returned to the living room. Jesse was staring out the window. “Umm, Alex? I don’t think you should leave.”

Alex was somewhat surprised at Jesse’s comment. He replied, “I think our physical relationship is progressing along nicely. Making out with you is, well, fucking awesome. But I don’t want to go too fast.”

As he turned back toward Alex, Jesse said, “No, Alex, I don’t want you to leave because of the road conditions.”

Alex walked over to the window, just in time to see a car slowly slide sideways, finally stopping when it hit the curb at the edge of the road.

“Shit,” Alex said. “It was supposed to stay above freezing tonight. An ice storm was not in the forecast at all.”

Jesse grabbed Alex’s arm. He looked into Alex’s eyes and said with concern evident in his voice, “And I don’t want you driving with roads a sheet of ice.”

“Don’t worry, Jesse,” Alex replied. “I’ve driven on ice before, and I know it’s not fun. I don’t want to leave, either.”

They stood, silently watching the light rain fall, knowing it was freezing upon impact. After a moment, Alex simply stated, “I don’t mind sleeping on the couch at all.”

“Alex,” replied Jesse, “Is there any reason you can’t sleep in my bed? It’s a queen, so there’s plenty of room. I won’t attack you or anything just because you’re sleeping next to me. No hanky-panky. Scout’s honor.”

Alex shook his head. “No, I’m not worried about that. I don’t know if you will want to sleep next to me.”

Jesse gave Alex a look of confusion. Alex continued, “I think I’ve told you that I’m an insomniac. I have a hard time shutting off my mind on a normal evening. I really don’t see myself falling asleep if I’m next to you. To be honest, I find it kind of exciting. In addition, I have restless leg syndrome. I’ve heard that sleeping next to me is like trying to sleep next to someone running a marathon. Now, I take meds for both conditions. The restless leg is pretty well under control, the insomnia less so. But in either case, I don’t have my meds tonight. It will likely be a long night for me. There’s no reason to make it a long night for you, too.”

“Any other excuses, Alex?” Jesse did not expect a response.

“Well, I also generate my own heat. You probably use all your covers. I generally cover myself with only a sheet, and I pretty much can’t fall asleep with my feet covered at all.”

“Wow, you really don’t want to sleep with me, do you? And by sleep with me, I mean next to me.”

“God, Jesse, I don’t think there’s many things I’d like more than to sleep with you. But I don’t know that tonight is the night.”

Jesse smiled as he queried, “How about you let me find out for myself if sleeping next to you is a mistake?”

“Jesse, I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I really don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

“I’m willing to take the chance, Alex.”

Alex mulled it over in his mind briefly before responding, “Okay, we’ll give it a try. But promise me, if I am keeping you awake, you’ve got to tell me, and I will move to the couch.”

“Okay, Alex. We’ll do it your way. I promise.”

With Alex in tow, Jesse went into the bathroom and opened the linen closet. He pulled a toothbrush, still in its packaging, out of the closet and set it next to the sink. “I’m glad I got the extra toothbrush the last time I went grocery shopping. I wanted to have it ready for when you decided to stay the night. I must admit, though, I didn’t think it would be this soon.”

“Wow, Jesse. You’re already planning how you’ll take advantage of me.” Jesse laughed in response.

After they finished in the bathroom, Alex found himself getting undressed in front of Jesse. He hadn’t really thought too much about this moment, thinking it was something that would occur far into the future, if at all. Jesse was going to see him in his boxer briefs and nothing else. His extra weight would be on display. He swallowed hard. ‘Damn it,’ thought Alex, ‘Why didn’t I wear an undershirt today? I could’ve kept that on for bed without looking too weird.’

Jesse, on the other hand, appeared oblivious to Alex’s discomfort. He disrobed without much of a thought, right down to his boxers. He pulled the comforter and top sheet back, then sat down on the left side of the bed. He turned to see Alex on the opposite side of the bed, clearly uncomfortable as he disrobed. He had no problem removing his pants, but he seemed to be dragging his feet when removing his shirt. Once the shirt was removed, Alex suddenly kicked into a higher gear. He stood up, pulled the comforter and sheet back, and quickly climbed into bed, rapidly pulling the sheet, but not the comforter, back over his body.

“Alex?” asked Jesse. “I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable having your shirt off around me. Really, there is no need to worry, though. I like all of you, even if you can’t seem to like yourself.” Alex didn’t respond. A few seconds later, Jesse asked, “I normally set my alarm for 6:15 am. Will that work for you?” Alex responded in the affirmative, so once the alarm had been set, Jesse switched off the lamp on the bedside table.

After a period of quiet, Jesse again spoke. “Alex? Do you think we might cuddle for a bit? I think I’d really like to be a big spoon.”

Alex nodded, then, realizing Jesse likely couldn’t see his response, said “I think I’d like that. Hopefully I won’t get too hot.” He then rolled over to face Jesse and kissed him. While the kiss was intended to be chaste, it rapidly turned into one that was considerably more passionate.

After nearly a minute of kissing, Alex broke away. “If we don’t stop kissing now, we’re going to be going further than I think we should, at least tonight.”

While slightly disappointed, Jesse understood. “Sure. Why don’t you face away from me, and we can do the spoon thing.” Alex rolled to his other side, smiling as he did so. Jesse quickly draped his arm over Alex’s shoulder and chest, pulling him close. Though nervous that sleeping in the same bed might not be a good idea, inside, Alex was thrilled. Having Jesse’s arm around him felt so…so…so right. Alex said a silent prayer, asking that he not wreck the night by kicking Jesse. Or overheating. Or tossing and turning.

When Jesse’s alarm went off, Alex opened his eyes. After a minute of confusion, Alex realized where he was. During the night, Alex and Jesse had separated, both ultimately sleeping on their backs. ‘Wow,’ thought Alex, ‘I didn’t have any problem falling asleep at all. I just hope I didn’t kick too much in my sleep, keeping Jesse awake.’ He turned towards Jesse, just as Jesse turned to retrieve his phone from the nightstand to turn off the alarm. Once the alarm had been taken care of, Jesse turned back towards Alex. He returned Alex’s smile.

“Good morning, Alex.”

“Good morning.” Alex moved closer to Jesse, gave him a quick kiss, then pulled away. “I didn’t keep you awake, did I?”

“Not at all.”

Alex and Jesse continued to look at one another, silly grins on both of their faces. After a moment of quiet, Jesse said, “I really like waking up with you.”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

Alex then said, “What do you think the road conditions are like this morning?”

Jesse quickly responded, “I hope they’re still bad. I’d like to spend the day in bed.”

Alex sat up. Forgetting the discomfort of being shirtless the previous evening, he stood and walked to the bedroom window. Traffic appeared to be moving along unimpeded. Alex would’ve liked to have had dangerous driving conditions today, too. But it wasn’t to be. He said to Jesse, “Traffic’s moving along just fine. It must’ve warmed up overnight.”

“Crap.” Jesse sat up and said, “Why don’t you go and take care of whatever you need to do in the bathroom. If you want to shower, you know where the towels are.”

Alex grabbed his pants, socks, and shirt and retreated to the bathroom. He really didn’t have much to do. Showering wasn’t necessary; he’d showered less than twelve hours before. He had no prescriptions to take and no razor to shave with. He peed, then washed his hands, splashed water on his face, and smoothed out his hair. He then dressed in the previous day’s clothes.

When he exited the bathroom, he found Jesse in the kitchen, fully dressed, and making coffee. When Jesse saw Alex, he said, “I’m not much of a breakfast person. Let’s see, I have some cereal in the cupboard over there. There’s bread for toast if you’d like. I’ve got milk in the fridge, and I think I have some orange juice in there, too.”

Alex poured himself a bowl of honey nut Cheerios, then doused the cereal with milk. He sat down at the table. Jesse remained standing, both hands wrapped around his coffee cup. “Jesse, you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, don’t you?”

Jesse took a dish towel from the oven handle and threw it at Alex. As he did so, he said laughingly, “The nagging is starting already, huh?”

After a few minutes, where the only sound was the clink of Alex’s spoon against the ceramic bowl, Alex asked, “I didn’t keep you awake, did I? You weren’t too hot? Or too cold? And I didn’t kick you, did I?”

Jesse shook his head, then responded, “Don’t worry so much, Alex. Everything was fine.” He then added, “I know I said it earlier, but I really liked waking up next to you.”

“I liked it as well.”

“Are you going to run home before going to work? Or are you going straight to the office?”

Alex replied, “I think I’ll just head into the office. I know I’m taking a risk that someone will notice and realize I spent the night somewhere other than at home. If it happens, it happens, I guess.”

After he rinsed his bowl and placed it in the dishwasher, Alex brushed his teeth. He smiled to himself as he placed the toothbrush into the toothbrush holder, next to Jesse’s. He collected his workout clothes from the previous evening and put on his coat. As he did so, he asked, “Are we still on for tonight?”

Jesse smiled. “You bet. I’ll swing by to pick you up. About 6 o’clock okay?” When Alex said it was, Jesse added, “So is tonight our first official date?”

“Hey, I guess it is. And we slept together before our first date. Quite inappropriate.”

Jesse giggled, then he and Alex hugged and shared a brief kiss before Alex took his leave.

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Jesse arrived at Alex’s house just after 6:00 pm for their first official “date.” Alex was thrilled when Jesse came to the door with a bouquet of flowers in hand. Alex welcomed Jesse into the living room, where they shared a brief, yet passionate, kiss. Alex found a vase in the back of the hutch and filled it with water. He cut off the end of the stems with kitchen shears under running water – he’d heard that extended the “life” of the cut flowers, though he really had no idea if it worked or not.

Once the flowers were in the vase, Alex asked where Jesse wanted to go for dinner. He wasn’t expecting Jesse to have already chosen the restaurant. He’d made reservations. Not only was this a date, but Jesse was running the show. Jesse then walked Alex to the car and opened the door for him! Alex hadn’t even thought about how a date between two guys was different from when he’d dated women. It was awfully nice to be treated like…a lady? Uh, thank you, but no. A gentleman? Somehow, that wasn’t quite right, either. What is it about Gen Xers and their need to label everything? Put everything in the correct cubbyhole? Screw it, who cares about labels? Jesse was making Alex feel good. That was all that mattered.

After dinner, they headed straight to The Ranch. Once there, Jesse found a parking spot. Jesse grabbed Alex’s hand as they walked into the building, then made their way to the usual tables where their friends were to be found. Ian was the first to notice Alex and Jesse. And he definitely noticed that they were holding hands. “Holy balls, guys!” he exclaimed.

Matt and Kevin turned towards Alex and Jesse. They noticed the hand holding right away, too. All three were happy for the new couple and offered their congratulations. Ian then commented, “It’s about time you two figured it out!” Apparently, Alex wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he thought he was.

Alex had pondered all week about what song he thought he’d like to sing. He’d chosen the songs he’d sung at karaoke carefully. Each one had telegraphed a message he’d wanted to send. The first song he’d done at karaoke had set a precedent. The choice of I May be Used (But Baby, I Ain’t Used Up) seemed so obvious to Alex. He’d made it clear that the song was a response to the indignities related to his age that Alex felt had been directed towards him. Potential New Boyfriend was meant to suggest that he was open to the idea of having a boyfriend. The next two songs, however, were directed towards one person and one person only. He’d wondered if anyone had caught on that You’re Not in Kansas Anymore and All-American Boy were in response to the feelings he was developing for Jesse. When he’d sung those songs, a relationship with Jesse was nothing more than a pipe dream. Yet, for Alex, the pipe dream had come true.

Whether or not Jesse had realized those songs were directed toward him, Alex was unsure. Really, it no longer mattered. Alex had blundered his way into Jesse’s heart, with or without the help of a couple of songs. Since a relationship was now budding with Jesse, sending messages was no longer important. Alex, therefore, thought he might just sing a song he thought was fun to sing. A song that he’d long liked and enjoyed singing. A song that, perhaps, had nothing to do with relationships at all. However, the song he finally settled on still described how he felt. Grant you, it was a fun song to sing, too. When it was Alex’s turn to sing, he walked to the stage, then began.

Alex had chosen to sing a Patty Loveless song that was popular not too long after he started his first and only job after college. A simple song, really. A song about being totally distracted from one’s everyday life because of one’s inability to get a special person, a new love, or maybe even just a crush, off one’s mind.

Other than the chorus, the song is mostly a list of assorted things one might try to think of to distract oneself from the distraction caused by the new love or crush. Palm trees… sushi bars… tattoos… the Cosmos… Shakespeare… In the end, the singer realizes it’s no use. The temptation to daydream about the new love or crush is just too great.

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