Second Chances

Chapter 15

Alex woke Sunday morning when his alarm went off. Alex generally went to church on Sunday mornings, the late service rather than the early one. He’d been an early riser when he was a kid, even a young adult. He remembered when he was a sophomore in college. Every morning, when his roommate’s alarm would go off, the first two words out of Mark’s mouth were either, “Aw, shit,” or “Aw, fuck.” Meanwhile, Alex would hop out of bed and wish his roommate a “good morning!” with a smile on his face. Alex thought it kind of annoyed Mark, but it was so much fun to do. Anyway, that was then. Now Alex liked to sleep in. Granted, sleeping in for Alex generally meant somewhere between 9:00 and 10:00 am. He wasted no time getting in the shower. The late service was at 10:30.

Alex was in a great mood. Of course, his budding relationship with Jesse was the cause for the great mood. However, Alex was really excited this morning. Jesse was going to attend church with him! They’d agreed that Jesse would drive to Alex’s house, then they’d drive to church together. Alex then planned on taking Jesse to brunch. Not with the whole group this time. Today, it would be just them. Right after he’d risen, Alex unlocked the front door. He texted Jesse to let him know he should just come in the house, as he might still be in the shower. And this is Alex, after all. Of course, he was singing in the shower.

Alex heard a creaking noise. “Hey, Jesse, is that you?” Hearing no response, Alex thought it must’ve been his imagination. He continued to sing.

Alex had closed his eyes while he shampooed his hair. He kept them closed as he rinsed the shampoo out. Eyes still closed, he turned back to face the shower head. He opened them briefly as he grabbed the soap he used for his face. He lathered up his hands, then closed his eyes once again as he rubbed his hands over his face. All the while, he continued to sing.

He rinsed the soap from his face. He turned around so he was facing away from the shower head, still with his eyes closed. The warm water cascaded over his head for a few seconds.

“Aaagh!” Alex screamed. When he opened his eyes, he was most definitely not expecting to see a hand reaching into the shower. The hand held an iPhone. He then heard laughing. “Jesse!”

“Hi Alex!”

“Jesse! What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m taking a video of you singing, of course!”

“And why would you be taking a video of me singing?”

“Well, I talked to Robbie yesterday. He’s heard so much about your antics at The Ranch, but he hasn’t gotten to hear you sing. So, I told him I’d get him a video.”

“That camera was held so you weren’t looking at, umm, my waistline or lower, was it?”

“Of course not. Well, at least I don’t think so.”

Alex shook his head. “I better not find this posted on YouTube tomorrow! Or worse yet, Pornhub!” he said. The camera was still rolling.

“Alex,” said Jesse, “keep singing!”

The song he’d been singing along to had kept playing. It took Alex a few seconds to determine where he was in the song and return to singing. As he did so, he put shower gel on a puff to wash his body.

“Hang on, Jesse,” said Alex. “I’m going to stop singing for a bit as I rinse off.” He then commented, “Jesse, I can’t believe you were filming me.” A few seconds later, he added “Hi Robbie! I hope you’re enjoying this!”

He turned off the tap, then said, “Hey Jesse, could you make yourself useful and hand me my towel?”

“Okay, Alex, but keep singing.”

He stood patiently until a second hand, this one clutching a towel, appeared from around the shower curtain, then jumped in with the last few lines of the song.

Jesse stopped the video when the song ended. “Wow, Alex. How long is that song, anyway?”

“Eight or nine minutes, if I’m not mistaken. Do you mind stepping out of the bathroom while I finish up?”

“But I really want to see you naked.”

“Jesse, I’m sure you’re going to see me naked in the not-too-distant future. So why don’t you have a little patience?”

“You’re no fun!”

-----

Alex and Jesse had sat on the left side of the church, about three quarters of the way back. Alex had explained to Jesse when they sat down that “this was his pew.” Jesse had looked inquisitively at Alex, and Alex simply explained, “I think it’s a Lutheran thing. I also have one specific seat I sit in on Southwest flights, and I am not happy when someone is already sitting in my seat when I board.” He then added, “It’s 21F, by the way.”

Instead of a bulletin, which Jesse recalled from the church he’d attended as child, there were three large television screens in the sanctuary. Before the worship service started, the church announcements were posted on the screens. Once the service began, everything that was needed appeared on the screens. The responses to the pastor’s words, the Bible readings, and the words and melody to the hymns. Alex, however, preferred to use one of the hymnals found in a holder on the back of the pew in front of them. “Why they need to put the hymns on the board, I don’t know,” Alex had said, “when they have these perfectly good hymnals no one uses anymore.”

The service itself was quite a bit different than what Jesse had experienced as a child. Before the service began, candles were lit by two altar boys. Well, to be more exact, altar girls. Alex had said they were “acolytes,” but they seemed like altar girls to Jesse. The altar girls processed into the church when the first hymn began. One of the altar girls was carrying a large cross made of brass or some other metal. The other was carrying the biggest Bible Jesse had ever seen. At least he assumed it was a Bible. The entire congregation rose and faced the cross as it made its way to the front of the church.

The pastor followed the cross into the sanctuary. Wait, Alex’s pastor is a woman? That’s right, he remembered Alex telling him the pastor was a woman, but Jesse still found it unusual, given what he’d been used to as a child. She was a tiny woman, and appeared to be roughly Jesse’s age, perhaps a little older. And she was wearing an off-white robe with a brightly colored scarf which hung around her neck. The robe was belted with what appeared to be a rope. The pastors he’d seen in his youth all wore suits. Of course, they were all men, so that wasn’t too unusual. Once she reached the front, she turned to face the congregation and motioned for the parishioners to sit.

“Good morning, family. I’m Pastor Catriona Schultz, and this is Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, a congregation of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.” There was that dirty word, Evangelical. Jesse shivered slightly when he heard the word. “I’d like to welcome all our visitors this morning, as well as everyone watching our live stream at home, or watching our service on community access television.” The congregation did seem welcoming. Several people had shaken his hand and welcomed him in the church’s narthex before they sat down in the sanctuary. Narthex…sanctuary…acolytes…these were all new words to Jesse.

The first part of the service was filled with spoken responses. Alex had referred to this as the “liturgy,” then explained that Catholic, Episcopal, and Lutheran churches are “liturgical churches.” Alex said that he could walk into any church in one of those three denominations and pretty much know what the correct responses were without seeing the words in the bulletin or on the screen.

Then came something called the Creed. Everyone in church seemed to recite it from memory, even though the words were up on the screen. Alex recited it along with the other parishioners, but a couple of times he used words that differed from what was on the screen. His voice seemed to increase in volume slightly when he altered the words, almost as if he was doing it defiantly.

After the creed and another hymn, they reached the dreaded sermon. However, Jesse found her sermon to be full of promise. Was that the word he was looking for? He wasn’t sure. Regardless, it was unlike the fire-and-brimstone sermons he’d recalled from his childhood. And it was reasonably brief, too.

After the sermon came a few more spoken lines, a responsive prayer, and the “sharing of the peace.” Everyone turned to the people in the adjoining pews, shook hands, and said, “Peace” or “Peace be with you” or some similar words. Then some people began to spill out of the pews into the center aisle so they could shake hands with people several pews away. The peace sharing went on for at least three minutes. Alex leaned over and said to Jesse, “I think you can tell how friendly a church is based on how long the sharing of the peace takes. I used to go to our Monday night service, which has a lot fewer people in attendance than on Sundays. I think Pastor Catriona manages to shake everyone’s hand during the sharing of the peace on Monday nights. Every single person in attendance.”

Next, what had Alex called them? The words of institution, he thought. That meant communion was about to begin, though Alex had also called it the “Eucharist.” Another new word. Alex had encouraged Jesse to go forward to receive communion with him, but Jesse had declined. “Maybe next time,” he thought. “Next time? Am I already contemplating that there’ll be a next time?”

Jesse had watched Alex receive communion. He’d taken a wafer, then a tiny shot glass of dealcoholized wine – who knew that was even a thing? He placed the shot glass in a basket near the front of the church, then crossed himself as he walked back to the pew he shared with Jesse. Some other people crossed themselves, too, but most did not. Jesse was going to have to ask about that after church.

Then, after the final hymn ended, Pastor Catriona stood near the center of the church, holding a microphone up to the mouth of a young boy, perhaps eight or nine years old. After whispering in his ear, the boy bashfully said, “Go in peace. Serve the Lord.” The congregation responded without any prompting, in unison, “Thanks be to God.”

Then everyone seemed to pour into the center aisle, all at once. They quickly formed an orderly queue, however, prior to exiting the sanctuary. Everyone seemed to shake Pastor Catriona’s hand as she stood in the doorway between the narthex and the sanctuary. Alex had leaned over to Jesse and said, “Hang tight. I just need to speak to someone.” He moved to a side aisle and walked forward a few pews, where he shook an older man’s hand, then began to speak with him. By the time Alex returned, most people had vacated the sanctuary.

Alex said to Jesse, “C’mon. I want to introduce you to Pastor Catriona.” Jesse rose from the pew but was surprised when Alex wrapped his hand around Jesse’s wrist and pulled. As Jesse was pulled into the center aisle, he heard Alex say, “Pastor Catriona! Pastor Catriona! I want you to meet my boyfriend, Jesse!” Jesse was stunned to hear Alex say those words. No secrecy. Nothing to hide. Jesse knew that Alex had made a point of not being ashamed of who and what he was ever since the day they met. Still, this was church, for goodness’ sake! Jesse knew that Alex had said his church was welcoming. They’d even recited the church’s mission statement near the beginning of the service. Part of that mission statement was to “accept all others unconditionally.” Still, Jesse found it hard to believe.

When they reached Pastor Catriona, Alex let go of Jesse’s wrist. Pastor Catriona shook Jesse’s hand. As she did so, she said, “I am so pleased to meet you! Jesse, is it? Well, welcome, and I hope you come to visit us again.” Turning to Alex, she then added, “So this is why you’ve been in such a good mood lately!” Alex blushed as he nodded. Even after Alex had assured him that their relationship wasn’t an issue in his church, Jesse still hadn’t fully believed him. Apparently, though, Alex was right.

Once they were out of the building, they crossed the street to the church’s parking lot. As they did, Alex turned to Jesse and said, “I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I was just so excited.”

Jesse looked at Alex with confusion. “What for?”

“Well, I called you my boyfriend.”

“Well, I am, aren’t I?”

“I think of you that way, I guess, but we never discussed it.”

“What’s there to discuss?” asked Jesse. “We’re dating, aren’t we? That makes us boyfriends in my book. I really don’t know why you get so hung up on choosing the words you use.”

When they reached his car, Alex unlocked the doors. As they hopped into the Civic, Alex said, “Okay. I was hoping you felt that way. But we hadn’t talked about it, so I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to put words in your mouth.” Jesse just shook his head.

When they arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later, they were greeted by the hostess and were promptly seated. Once they’d placed their orders, Alex asked, “Well, tell me. What did you think of my church?”

“Well, it was different than my church experience as a kid, for sure.” Jesse glanced at Alex, then continued. “In fact, it really couldn’t have been much more different. A good different, though. I know you said that everyone was welcome, and that same-sex relationships were as welcome as straight relationships, but I really didn’t believe you.”

Their conversation was interrupted briefly when their drinks arrived. Jesse then said, “I do have a couple of questions though. First, however, let me say that I’ve never been to a Catholic Church, but that seemed very Catholic-y to me.”

“Well, you aren’t too wrong in saying that. Like I’d said, we’re both liturgical churches. Lots of people are put off by the liturgy, but it’s my favorite part of the worship service. In the past several years, they’ve tried to mix it up, with tweaks and changes from week to week. However, it’s the repetition that I like. I find it comforting. I love the Agnus Dei and the Nunc Demittis in particular.”

Jesse gave Alex a look of absolute confusion. “The what and the what?”

Alex then explained, “Those are the Latin terms for different responses. I guess that’s a carry-over from Catholicism. They don’t usually call them that anymore, either.

“Agnus Dei is Latin for ‘Lamb of God.’ The way I learned it and in my mind the only correct version, is “Oh Christ, thou Lamb of God, that takest away the sin of the world, have mercy upon us.” I have no idea what Nunc Demittis means in Latin, but it’s also known as the Song of Simeon. When Jesus was still a baby, his parents took him to the temple. There, an old man named Simeon came up to them and, after seeing the baby Jesus, said, “Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word. For mine eyes have seen thy salvation, which thou hast prepared before the face of all people. A light to lighten the gentiles, and the glory of thy people, Israel.” Basically, Simeon was saying, ‘my life is complete, I have seen Christ, the savior of all people. I am ready for you to take me home, God.’ It’s one of my favorite stories from the Bible.”

“I don’t think we said those things during church, did we?” asked Jesse.

“No, though we said some things that were vaguely related. While I like the liturgy, I really miss the way we used to say or sing it. Most of those responses we said? I grew up singing them.”

“Even with the Shakespearian words?”

“Especially with the Shakespearian words. Like from the King James Bible.”

“I’ve heard of that,” said Jesse.

“It was one of the first translations of the Bible into English. It’s pretty much the one that was used from the 1600s to well into the 1900s. And the language is beautiful.” Alex then picked up his phone and opened an App. “Here, this is the NIV version of the Bible. Psalm 130. It starts, ‘Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord. O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared.’ Now here’s how that Psalm starts in the King James English.” From memory, Alex then recited “’Out of the depths have I cried unto you, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice. Let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplication. If thou, O Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.’ That’s the first part of my favorite Psalm. I think King James version of Psalm 130 may be the most beautiful words ever written in the English language.”

“Okay, I can see your point, even if it is harder to understand. Here’s another question...”

Their conversation was interrupted when their orders arrived, along with a refill of Alex’s iced tea. Once they’d sampled the first of their meals, Jesse continued. “Okay, next question. You crossed yourself at the opening of the church service and then after you’d taken communion. I know that’s a Catholic thing. Why did you do it? And why did only a few others do it?”

“To be honest,” replied Alex, “I do it because I can.” Jesse gave Alex a quizzical look. Alex continued, “the churches I grew up in, despite being liturgical like Catholics, were kind of anti-Catholic. Believe me, if I’d crossed myself in church when I was a kid, at the very least it would’ve been frowned on, and I’d have been told to never do it again. At Holy Trinity, it’s not a problem. So, I do it because I can. And the other people you saw do it? While I don’t know specifically their reasons, I imagine the reason most of the others cross themselves is because that’s what they grew up doing, so they still continue the tradition.”

“Okay,” said Jesse, “What was the hexagon-shaped, wooden table that was in the center aisle in the middle of the church? It seemed to be in the way.”

“Yeah, I think it’s kind of a weird place for it. It’s the baptismal font.”

“What’s that?”

“Jesse, have you been baptized?’ asked Alex.

“No,” Jesse replied. “I’d gotten away from that church before I, uh, gave myself to Christ.” He rolled his eyes as he continued, “so, I never got baptized.”

“Oh, I see,” said Alex. “Do you know how Baptisms were done in your church?”

“Well, when you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, you and the pastor would get into a small pool that was under the floor in the front of the church. Then the pastor would say whatever he says, then dunks you under the water.”

“Ah-ha. Baptism was by immersion, and only for adults or older kids.” Jesse nodded. Alex continued, “Lutherans, and a lot of denominations, have infant baptism. Generally, not too long after you’re born, you’d be brought to church by your parents. During the service, they’d get up, along with your godparents, and go to the baptismal font. There’s a little basin in there that holds water. The cover was on today, so you couldn’t see it. So, the congregation would pray for you, and the pastor would ask the godparents if they would bring you up as a Christian if your parents couldn’t. They’d say yes, then the pastor asks the whole congregation if they’ll help to bring you up as a Christian. The congregation then says yes. The pastor makes the sign of the cross on your forehead and your chest, saying that you’ve been marked as a child of God. Then the pastor takes a handful of water and pours it over your head. That gets repeated three times. As the water is poured, the pastor says, ‘Jesse Shaw, I baptize you in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit.’ And then you’re baptized.”

“Do older people get baptized, too?”

“Sure, though it’s not as common. I was baptized when I was 11 days old.”

“You know the day you were baptized?” asked Jesse incredulously.

“Absolutely. I was born as a child of God on that day. One of the most important days of my life, really.” He then continued, “To be clear, there’s no problem with baptism by immersion. It’s just that Lutherans generally don’t do it that way. Also, once you’re baptized, you’re baptized for life, no matter how or when it was done. If you were baptized as a Baptist or a Catholic, you wouldn’t need to get rebaptized if you joined a Lutheran church.” Jesse nodded in understanding.

After their food arrived, Jesse commented, “I still can’t believe your church doesn’t expel you for being gay or try to send you for conversion therapy or something.”

Alex chuckled. “I told you,” he said. “Quite honestly, I think of church as a safe space. I held your hand in church, didn’t I?”

“Actually, Alex, you didn’t. You grabbed me by the wrist and pulled.”

Alex blushed, then said with a smile, “Sorry about that. I was just excited, you know?” After taking a drink, he continued. “Anyway, it’s perfectly fine for us to hold hands in church. A chaste peck is probably okay, too. Obviously, it would be completely inappropriate to make out in church, but it’s no more or less inappropriate than if it was a man and a woman making out. However, I’d be a little uncomfortable to hold your hand or kiss you out on the street. There’s no judgment in church, though. That’s why I think of it as a safe space.”

“When I think of church, that’s pretty much the first thing I think of. Judgment, that is,” Jesse said. He then asked, “What about gay marriage?”

“I know a lot of churches have a big problem with that,” replied Alex. “Same-sex marriage was allowed in Iowa in, 2009 or 2010, I think, and it became legal nationwide like, four or five years after that. Long before same-sex marriage was legal, my church was blessing same-sex couples in formal ceremonies. When gay marriage was finally legal, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, or ELCA, left it up to individual congregations to decide if they’d offer same-sex weddings. A bunch of churches left the ELCA when that happened, unfortunately. And, of course, being Lutheran, it takes a long time to get anything done. I think Lutherans have to form a committee whose only purpose is to form a committee to decide anything. But eventually, the board voted unanimously in favor of allowing gay marriages in my church. Actually, Pastor Catriona is really excited about performing a gay wedding, but so far there haven’t been any in our church.”

As they were finishing their meal, Alex said, “Jesse, thank you for coming to church with me today. I really appreciate that you were willing to go out of your comfort zone just for my happiness. I’d love it if you came to church with me more often, but once again, I’ll say it. No pressure. If you don’t want to, I’ll understand.”

“Well, Alex, it was definitely not what I’d expected.”

“Okay, I know; I just said ‘no pressure’. But what do you think about getting baptized?”

Jesse opened his mouth to speak, but then thought for a few seconds before responding. “My first response was going to be, ‘not a chance.’ But let’s just see how things progress between us. I’m not going to say ‘yes,’ but I’m not going to say ‘no,’ either.”

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