I didn’t move very fast that day. But in Biology I did make eye contact with Perry a couple of times. I smiled briefly at him once.
Becky and Linda didn’t join me for lunch on Monday, but they were back on Tuesday. Both of them thought that tensions were building inside the team. After they had eaten lunch with me on Friday, they’d felt they were being viewed with some suspicion by the most active of Perry’s antagonists. We decided that could mean they were planning to do something. And they didn’t want people knowing about it unless they were sure those people were fully committed. It wasn’t a good sign.
Both Becky and Linda thought that whatever was being planned could happen soon. They had overheard some mention of “Perry’s anniversary” and recalled that his meltdown the previous year, the one that got him kicked out of school, had happened on April 9. April was just a few days away. The following Friday would be April 9.
I decided that I had better accelerate my plan to speak with Perry.
During Biology class I found a couple of reasons to walk past Perry’s work table; to ask Mr. Hartley to explain something about an experiment we were working on, and then to get supplies. I made sure both trips were innocuous. I just wanted Perry to know that I wasn’t any threat when I was close to him. Later, when Mr. Hartley called on Perry while we were evaluating the experiment, I made it a point to nod supportively after Perry’s answer. I hoped he might start to think of me as another kid in class, and not think of me as another member of the GSA mafia.
I thought I had caught a real bit of luck the next period, in English class. Pax assigned a class project, asking teams of students to read a short story, offer their understanding of what the story meant, then share their interpretations and work together to write a final evaluation based on what we had learned from each other.
Pax was always challenging us with different and creative approaches to learning English. He had this weird idea that since language was about communicating ideas, we should each try to figure out what the author was communicating to us, then communicate our thoughts to each other, before preparing a paper that explained what we had learned from the author and from each other. I thought it was a peculiar way to teach English. But Pax had been a good soccer coach, so I tried to give his ideas about coaching English a chance.
Rather than have us decide who we wanted to pair up with, Pax went around the room assigning teams. When he called my name, he glanced around the room. His eyes stopped where Perry was sitting and I felt a sudden surge of excitement.
Perry noticed that Pax was looking at him and gave a very subtle shake of his head. Pax cocked his head in question and Perry again shook his head slightly. Then he looked down. I thought he seemed sad.
Pax shot me a brief, apologetic glance before he turned back to the rest of the class to select a partner for me.
Running home after school, I really wanted to catch up with Perry. I probably wouldn’t have handled it well had I encountered him. I was still feeling kind of annoyed that he had rejected me. Fortunately, I got home before running into Perry.
I had time to think about my frustration that night. Eventually I realized that I had no reason to be upset with Perry. He just wasn’t ready to trust me yet. I still had to earn his trust.
I arrived at school on Thursday with a plan. I needed to arrange more, occasional, low-key encounters with Perry so he would have the opportunity to learn that I wasn’t going to do anything to hurt him. A few instances of very natural and brief encounters during classes would be a good start. And I was determined to catch up with him on my run home. I was planning to put on my running gear right after Phys Ed class, then slip out of my pants and shirt as soon as I got on the trail after school. I knew I was fast. This time I wouldn’t give him a huge head start before I set out after him.
I should have realized before I left for school that it was April 1. If I had, I might have anticipated something unusual.
Before we started gym class, Mr. Wyman asked me to see him at the end of the period. We had just started a new unit, playing something called team handball. I was still learning how the game was played, so I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to ask me to help officiate or to mentor some of the other kids. Wondering why he wanted to see me made it hard to concentrate in class. A couple of balls were passed to me and hit me in the side of the head because I wasn’t paying attention. It only added insult to injury that I thought I saw Dante smirking at my humiliation.
After class I showered, avoiding Max Packwood. He had thrown one of the passes at my head. He would probably have enjoyed checking out the result of his handiwork in the shower. Without Dante to watch my back, it could have been very uncomfortable. I toweled off and dressed, remembering to put my running gear on first. Then I went to find Mr. Wyman.
”Come in!” he called when I knocked on his door. I was surprised to find that there was no television in his office. He gestured toward a chair and invited me to sit down.
“Donnelly, I coach the baseball team.” He looked a bit annoyed when my eyes widened at that revelation.
“We still have room for a couple of players on our roster. One of my captains mentioned your name.” He looked at me expectantly.
I couldn’t imagine who my ‘benefactor’ was. I knew that a couple of the seniors on the soccer team also played baseball, but couldn’t think of any reason why one of them might single me out for this ‘honor’.
“Gilchrist says you played ball in Connecticut.”
Brian! I might have known! But how could a sophomore be a team captain?
“The team respects him. He’s a talented ballplayer. He works hard. He looks out for everyone on the team. He has real leadership skills.” Mr. Wyman concluded gruffly.
I nodded. It seemed like that might be expected.
“I know you’re a good athlete. I’ve seen that here in class this year. I’ve also seen the way you worked with the younger boys during our soccer unit. Gilchrist thinks you have leadership ability. Mr. Fisher agrees. He says you could have been a captain this year.”
Who the heck was Mr. Fisher? I couldn’t recall. ‘Captain this year’? And then it hit me! I was pretty sure that Pax had said his name was Fisher.
I really wasn’t excited about repeating my eighth grade experiment with baseball, but people seemed to think it might work out. And it would give me a place to eat lunch.
I started to promise that I would think about the idea, but realized that I didn’t know Mr. Wyman’s name. Then it occurred to me that I probably wasn’t supposed to. He would be a very different sort of coach than Pax had been. But I left after telling him I couldn’t hit worth a lick but that I would think seriously about the idea.
Eating lunch alone didn’t feel half as lonely with the knowledge that I could be part of a new lunch crew. All I had to do was humiliate myself trying to play a game where I knew that I had serious limitations. But I would belong again.
I planned to think about the idea. But I suspected that eventually I would cave in to the social necessity of finding a tribe I belonged with, even if I wasn’t going to be more than their village idiot.
Becky and Linda did stop by briefly as they were delivering their trays to the dish line. They advised that while the anger toward Perry wasn’t as intense, that wasn’t necessarily a good thing. To them, it felt like the team had a plan. It was just a matter of figuring out when it would happen.
I didn’t have an opportunity to say anything to Perry in Biology or English. But we did make eye contact a few times. I kept my glances brief and tried to appear friendly.
At the end of the day, I was out of the school and on the running trail in less than two minutes. After taking a moment to pull off pants and shirt and stuffing them in my backpack, I was off.
Seven or eight minutes later I was starting to wonder if I might have left school ahead of Perry. I was more than a mile down the trail before I finally caught sight of him ahead of me.
He seemed surprised and apprehensive when he turned and saw me coming. Fortunately the trail was fairly wide when I caught up with him, so I gave him several feet of space as I passed with a friendly greeting and a smile.
I didn’t glance back. But it felt like a positive encounter. I decided that I would get out of school quickly every day and see how he reacted when we met on the trail.
On Friday, I caught Perry looking at me speculatively a couple times during the day. After school, we met on the trail at about the same place. I called “Hey, Perry!” as I ran past with a smile and wave.
After ten or fifteen yards, I glanced back. His eyes were following me, so I waved again and kept running.
I spent the weekend out running on the trails, both toward school and toward the Mountainview development. Brian had told me once that Perry used to put in a lot of time hiking. I hoped that with the improving weather, he might have been out. But I never saw him.
In bed at night I wondered again if I wasn’t over-thinking the entire situation.
By Monday, I was ready to give in and tell Coach Wyman that I would go out for the baseball team. Apprehension about what the team was planning for Perry on April 9 prevented me from doing it, however. I decided that I really needed to see that situation through, at least until the date that Linda and Becky were concerned about, before I focused on anything new.
Brian glanced my way during lunch, from his seat with the baseball team. I nodded when he caught my eye, but I didn’t offer any answer to the question in his eyes.
No one from my old lunch table even glanced in my direction.
Perry was looking in my direction. Part of me wanted to glance back, maybe even offer a subtle greeting. But it felt wrong. I wanted to make contact with him. But reaching out, one pariah to another in the dining hall, didn’t feel like the right situation for that. The social dynamic was wrong.
Linda and Becky checked in at the end of the period. They didn’t have any news, but they were still apprehensive. They were particularly concerned that they hadn’t heard anything about Jack and Mason harassing Perry in their Phys Ed class for more than a week. They said that the atmosphere at the table was charged with strange messages and an odd sense of foreboding.
Perry was definitely paying more attention to me during the day. I caught him looking in my direction several times every day, like he was trying to make sense of something that didn’t add up in his mind.
I gave him space. I didn’t spend a lot of time looking at him. But when I caught him glancing toward me, I offered him a nod or a wan smile, then went back to whatever I was doing. Patience felt like the right approach when dealing with someone who had been encroached on constantly by the people around him.
Inwardly, I was proud of myself. Driven both by my attraction to him, and by the fact that suddenly I had no friends, my natural instinct was to connect with anyone that demonstrated the least bit of interest in me. But there were more important considerations with Perry than suddenly slotting him in to replace all the friends I had lost.
We continued to meet on the trail as I ran home after school each day. By Wednesday, he was expecting it. It almost felt to me like he was looking forward to it.
After saying hi, I drew up about twenty yards beyond him.
“Hey, Perry?” I called back. I was hoping he didn’t feel any pressure. “If you want, we could jog home together sometime.” Even at that distance, I sensed his sudden change in demeanor, so I hurried on. “Only if you want to, dude. Like, if you feel like some company some day.” He didn’t make eye contact
“I’m sorry, Perry. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you do decide . . . you know, someday . . . just wait for me on the trail. I won’t be too far behind you.”
I could feel his unease from fifty feet away. So I shrugged, offered a tentative wave, and resumed my run.
Brian was waiting for me when I arrived at school Thursday morning. I immediately sensed that my days as a non-baseball-playing member of the Ball Mountain community were at an end. I guess that meant I was about to become a shithead. It didn’t really bother me too much.
He pulled me into an empty classroom.
“Nicky was talking to me after practice last night.”
What was this about? Did Nicky not want me on the baseball team?
I was starting to get offended. When we first met, it was like he had appointed himself my best friend for life. Then one day he just ghosted me. Now he didn’t even want me on the baseball team with him! It pissed me off! It wasn’t like I really wanted to be on the baseball team either but, you know, it was the principle of the thing!
“Nicky was talking to his buddy, Tim Dillon.”
This was completely confusing. Why would Tim care at all whether I played baseball?
“Tim was hinting to Nicky that Jason and the guys have some sort of big plan for tomorrow. I figure it has to be about Perry.”
It felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. What could that possibly have to do with baseball? Oh, yeah! It didn’t. Outrage joined the confusion on my face.
Brian understood my mood. “I don’t know what’s up either, Ross. But I’m pissed off, too. I can’t believe those guys won’t just leave him alone.”
We talked quickly. The homeroom bell was due to ring any moment.
I promised that I would talk to Becky and Linda at lunch to find out if they knew more, and that I’d set caution to the wind and approach Perry directly. I didn’t mention that my overture the previous evening might have made him less likely to trust me.
We tried to put together a plan to make sure that we always had an ally near Perry, and ready to go to the teachers for help, if something nasty started. Brian promised to talk to people he knew. I promised to stay in sight of Perry whenever we shared classes. If seemed like that might be enough to provide some protection throughout the day. But you can never plan for all contingencies.
The homeroom bell sounded. We went our separate ways.
Baseball had never come up. I actually felt slightly disappointed.
I wouldn’t usually say much to Perry during class. But in History, I found a second to apologize for being too pushy when we met on the trail the previous afternoon. He didn’t react very strongly. He just seemed, well, barricaded inside himself? That’s how it felt to me.
I wondered if Mason and Jack had given him any trouble in their gym class.
Becky and Linda joined me for lunch that day. We were all caught up in a feeling that something nasty was about to happen. They didn’t have any specific information. Talk at the team lunch table had been fairly uneventful all week. But they both said there was a feeling that something had definitely been decided and that the wheels were already in motion.
I told them that Perry had friends who would be nearby during the day. If anything started to happen, they would get help.
I could tell that didn’t completely appease Becky and Linda. They mentioned that they had overheard talk and knew that the guys were aware that Perry walked home on the trails through the woods.
I promised that I would talk to Perry and either walk home with him or persuade him to find another way home. There was a lingering feeling that our precautions might not be enough, but we couldn’t think of any more that we could do.
I caught Perry looking at me again in Biology and English. But he seemed less curious than he had been before. Now he just seemed resigned; like he finally understood everything and none of it was good. I couldn’t figure it out.
I ran home the same way I had for the past two weeks. I caught up with Perry at about the usual place on the trail. He didn’t seem upset to hear me coming, but I slowed before I caught up with him. He turned expectantly and waited.
I stopped. I knew that he might take whatever I said the wrong way. I wanted to be clear that I wasn’t putting pressure on him. I just wanted to help in any way that he could accept.
First I apologized again for making him uncomfortable with my invitation the previous day. I explained that I often like to do things, even running, with other people. But I understood that not everyone felt that way.
Perry nodded noncommittally. He understood the words. He accepted the sentiment. But he was still waiting to hear the actual message.
That was kind of tricky. I hadn’t been in East Grange the past year. I might have heard rumors, but not everyone is comfortable knowing that other people are talking about them, or that other people are curious about their personal business.
So I apologized some more. He didn’t leave.
I told him that I was sorry some of the people I had been hanging out with were giving him such a hard time. I told him that I hadn’t been any part of that. I wanted to be sure that he understood I had asked them to stop, and that was why I wasn’t part of that group any more.
He nodded like he understood; like he had already figured it out.
“Not everyone in that group agrees with what they are doing, Perry.” I thought he should understand that. “Some of them still talk to me.”
This was tricky ground. Perry needed to know there was danger. But he might not be fully ready to trust the messenger yet. I strove for gentle, but clear.
“Linda and Becky tell me that some of the guys are planning something. We don’t know what. But,” I tried for a sympathetic grimace, “I don’t imagine it’s going to be nice.”
“Linda and Becky?” It was the first time he had spoken.
“Linda . . . ” I realized that I didn’t know either of their names. “Linda and Becky that are part of the group. With Jason, Dante, Mason, Jack. Those guys.” I was hoping that could trigger something.
“Oh!” Perry’s response was mild. “Linda Donovan and Becky Mitchell. We were friends in grade school. They’re nice.”
“They like you, Perry. They don’t want you to get hurt.”
He nodded. His expression was pensive.
“They overheard some talk. They think the guys might try something after school. Maybe while you’re walking home.”
Perry’s expression didn’t really change. He just kept listening.
I suggested some options to avoid a confrontation after school. In the woods. Where no one was around to help.
“If you’re comfortable being with me, I could walk or jog home with you.”
His expression didn’t change. I tried another idea.
“Could you ride the bus home? Just for a few days?”
That seemed to bring up some unpleasant memories. I had another clever idea.
“My mom picks my sister up after school and drives her home. She used to drive me, too, before I started running again.” He waited for that news to mean something to him. “Mom wouldn’t mind driving you home, Perry. I could ask her to drive us. Or if it would make you more comfortable, I could keep running home, but Mom would drive you.”
That provoked a curious expression. Nothing else. I decided to wait him out.
Perry thought for a while. He didn’t make eye contact. He just started talking.
“I know you want to help. But I don’t think you can. Those guys have been after me for a long time. They aren’t going to give up.” Perry shrugged. “I can’t stop them. I can’t run away from them. There’s nothing I can do, except keep going until I can’t take it any more.”
He turned away, his shoulders slumped, and started walking. He didn’t look dejected; he looked defeated.
After a few moments, I caught up with him. I wanted to put my arm around his shoulder, but it felt like we didn’t know each other well enough for something like that.
We walked in silence. But we walked home together.
We climbed over the top of the falls, rather than walking below, past the pool. He stopped at the top and took in the view for a moment. Then he pointed down.
“You live down there?” he asked.
I nodded.
“I like it here. It’s my favorite place. I hope one day that this is the last sight I ever see.”
We started walking again. I turned when the trail branched off toward my house. I waved.
“Thanks for walking with me, Perry. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
When I arrived home, I stopped and sat on the patio for a while. Ball Mountain loomed nearby, overlooking our house and the town farther below. Nearby, I could hear Chase Falls.
It really was beautiful up in the mountains. Peaceful, at times almost majestic, life was uncomplicated. If you understood nature’s simple rules, you could coexist with the world around you and live well. It was people that fucked things up.
Perry’s simple appreciation for the view of the world from the top of Chase Falls resonated with me. The feeling that someone with his uncomplicated appreciation for that natural beauty was being overwhelmed by relentless emotional assaults, fueled by complex and insatiable appetites of people, simply infuriated me.
I didn’t know what I was going to do. But I knew that tomorrow I was going to do something to move the balance of that conflict toward what was right.
Friday morning, I arrived at school on a mission. The idea that a group of people, people I had considered friends, were intent on making Perry miserable, made me angry. It didn’t matter what past injustices, real or imagined, were motivating them. He hadn’t done anything to start trouble this year. He just wanted to be left alone. I was more than frustrated. I was furious that they wouldn’t leave him in peace.
I wasn’t going to let anything happen during the three classes and the lunch period that I shared with Perry. I didn’t care what people thought of me. If I saw trouble start, I was going straight to a teacher. And if it became a matter for school discipline, I was planning to share everything I knew.
Student code says you don’t rat out fellow students. But my code wouldn’t allow me to stand by while students were trying to do real harm to another student. That just wasn’t right!
I wondered if there was some sort of Witness Protection Program for students who snitched on other students, and how I could explain to Mom and Dad that we would have to relocate. I was feeling a certain cosmic justice about that prospect. Their decision to move the family to this rustic dystopia was the reason I was in my predicament, so they could just suck it up if we did have to change our names and move! I suppose some people might say I wasn’t thinking entirely rationally.
I saw Perry in second period History. He seemed all right, so I assumed that nothing had happened with Mason and Jack in Phys Ed. That was a relief. I was worried that class, where they had tormented him for weeks, might signal the start of whatever was planned for the day.
Perry wasn’t impolite when I nodded and smiled at him. He just seemed distant, like he had a lot on his mind. I was glad that he was still okay.
I was feeling confident when my Graphic Arts class started. By the end of it, I was a nervous wreck. I was worried about what might happen between Perry and the team before I saw him again at lunch. Brian, Becky and Linda had assured me that there were people keeping an eye on Perry throughout the day, but not knowing for myself what was happening created a lot of anxiety.
I was also starting to think ahead to the end of the day. I didn’t share a seventh period class with Perry and my mind was overwhelmed by all the things that could happen during that hour.
Worse, I realized that Perry didn’t have very much protection at all during his walk home after school. I was determined that nothing would happen to him. But what if Jason and his friends ambushed Perry on the way home and had more in mind than simple harassment?