When Alex and Jesse returned to Des Moines, they retrieved their vehicles from the airport parking lot, then drove separately to Alex’s house. Alex was barely in the house when he pulled his laptop from his messenger bag. He had just managed to open his email when Jesse let himself into the house.
“I’m just dying to know what everyone decided,” he said as a way of greeting Jesse. Alex set his laptop down on the couch, then pulled a legal pad and a pen from his messenger bag.
“Hello to you, too!” replied Jesse as he tugged off his coat. “Could you be a little more excited?”
“Well, I don’t have an erection, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
“Good God, Alex!” Jesse replied with a laugh. “No, I’m excited, too. We spent enough time working on this project. It’ll be nice to see everything play out.”
“Thank God Matt asked us to work on this. I would still be crushing on you, pining on what I thought could never be, and you’d still be blissfully oblivious to my feelings.”
Jesse turned toward Alex once he’d hung his coat up in the closet and smiled. “I guess we really do have Matt to thank for that, don’t we?”
“C’mon, Jesse,” said Alex, patting the sofa next to him. “Sit down next to me here so we can tabulate the votes.”
Over the next several minutes, Jesse and Alex crunched numbers. The first question asked which of the four trip scenarios was preferred. The clear winner was a long weekend trip to a nearby city rather than a cruise or trip to Las Vegas or Orlando. The group had been asked a second question – if the long weekend to a nearby city was chosen, which destination was preferred, Saint Louis or Kansas City. That vote was much closer, with Kansas City winning by one vote.
“Okay, Jesse. Now that we know our destination, the real work begins, actually organizing the trip. Are you hungry?”
“Quite a shift in topic there, Alex,” commented Jesse. “As a matter of fact, I am getting hungry. Are we going to forego the Y tonight?”
“I think so, unless you want to. We got some exercise walking this morning at Mount Vernon, plus hiking through two airports. That should be sufficient for today. Let’s figure out where we want to go eat, and call Rhys on the way.”
Jesse glanced at his watch. “We’d better hurry if we’re going to call, he and, I imagine, Ian will probably be heading to the Y shortly.”
“How does Guadalajara Mexican Restaurant sound to you?” asked Alex.
“You know Mexican always sounds good to me.”
Five minutes later, Jesse and Alex backed out of Alex’s driveway. Rhys’s phone was ringing as soon as Alex shifted his car into drive.
“Hi, Alex!”
“Hi, Rhys! I’ve got Jesse with me here on speaker.”
“Hi, Jesse. Full disclosure, you are also on speaker, and Ian is with me. How was the trip?”
“Guys, we really had a great time,” said Jesse. “There is so much to see in DC we barely scratched the surface.”
“Super! You’ll have to fill us in about your weekend. Are you guys headed to the Y tonight?” asked Rhys.
“No, we decided to take a pass tonight,” Alex replied. “We’re headed out for dinner, and then we’re going back to my place to start making firm plans for the group trip.”
“So, where are we going?” inquired Ian.
“Guadalajara,” said Alex.
“Guadalajara?” exclaimed Rhys. “That wasn’t even a choice!”
“Oh, you meant where are we going for the group vacation,” replied Alex. “Jesse and I are going to Guadalajara, the Mexican restaurant, not the Mexican city, for dinner. The winner destination for our group trip, drum roll, please…”
“Get on with it, Alex!” said Ian.
“You and a guest will travel by automobile to beautiful Kansas City, Missouri, where you will stay up to three nights in luxury accommodations and see many interesting sights!” replied Alex, attempting to sound like a game show announcer and failing miserably.
“Cool!” said Rhys. “That’s what Ian and I voted for.”
“Yeah, we wanted to let you guys know right away,” added Jesse. “Alex said he wanted to send out a quick email to everyone this evening, just to let them know the destination.”
“And also, to float a couple of different weekends, to see if the group has any preference,” Alex added. “I’m sure no matter what weekend we pick, someone will have a conflict and won’t be able to attend. I guess I’d also like to get an idea from everyone what their choice of lodging will be, you know, single rooms, double rooms, or even four to a room if folks wanted to save money.”
“You don’t have to ask Rhys and me,” said Ian. “I’m sure you guys will be a double room as well.”
“Sounds good,” replied Rhys. “We’re just pulling into the YMCA parking lot right now. Are you guys planning on hitting the Y tomorrow night?”
“Yup,” responded both Alex and Jesse.
Ian and Rhys both laughed. “You guys are of one mind, I guess,” said Ian.
Rhys then commented, “Let’s plan on getting dinner tomorrow after the Y, if that’s alright with you guys.”
“Sounds like an excellent plan,” said Alex. “Have a good workout!”
After dinner, Alex and Jesse returned to Alex’s house. They again sat next to one another on the couch, and Alex began drafting a group email, with Jesse’s assistance. Once the email was sent, they began to look more deeply at the different activities in Kansas City. A half hour later, Jesse yawned and stretched.
“You know,” he said, “I’m pretty tired tonight. Do you think we could shelve the detailed planning until later this week?”
“You’re not the only one who’s tired,” replied Alex. “Do you want to spend the night?”
“Of course, I want to spend the night,” said Jesse. “But I think I’m going to pass. I don’t have any work clothes with me, and it’s back to the grindstone for both of us tomorrow morning.”
“I totally understand,” said Alex. “Do you think you have enough time to do a little cuddling before you go?”
“Cuddling with you? That sounds like an awesome idea. I’ll make time for that.”
Alex re-stowed his laptop in his work bag, while Jesse made himself more comfortable on the couch. Alex soon returned and lay down, with Jesse spooned up behind him.
“I had a great time with you, Jesse,” said Alex.
“I had a great time, too. Thank you again.”
They lay together in silence for a few minutes before Alex said, “Jesse? Can I ask you something?”
“Wow, Alex, I was almost asleep,” replied Jesse. “Of course, you can. What’s up?”
“Well,” said Alex, “when we started out our relationship, I know I told you that I wanted to take things, you know, our physical relationship, slowly.”
“I know,” said Jesse. “I think things have progressed at a good pace, Alex. Don’t you?”
“Oh, definitely,” Alex replied. “I think our physical relationship has ramped up at a nice, steady pace.” He was quiet for a moment before continuing. “Jeez, I don’t know why I’m feeling uncomfortable talking about this to you, I shouldn’t be.”
“Well, spit it out, Alex. I don’t think you’re going to say anything that will offend or disturb me, at least too much,” Jesse said, a smile creeping across his face as he attempted to keep the conversation light.
“Okay,” Alex said. “So far, we’ve done everything there is, except one.”
“Continue,” said Jesse.
“Well, I guess there are multiple things we haven’t done, but I’m not into watersports or bondage or any of that stuff, and I don’t think you are, either.”
“A correct deduction, Sherlock.”
Alex gave a brief smile. “Well, I think I’m ready to move onto the one thing that’s left. You know that I was concerned that if things moved too quickly, it would feel like our relationship was just a hookup, and not built on something solid. Well, what we have is clearly not a hookup. I’ve waited long enough, 55 years, to be exact, and I’m not getting any younger. Mind you, if that’s not something you want to do, I will understand. I was wondering what your thoughts were.”
“Alex, I most definitely am ready. I would be willing to wait, too. I would also be willing to forego it entirely if that’s what you’d wanted. It’s been quite a while for me, you know. I hope I remember how.”
Alex laughed. “Somehow, I’m pretty sure you remember how it’s done.” After a brief silence, he added, “I’m certainly not suggesting tonight. But soon. Maybe this weekend? Or another weekend in the near future?” Alex turned his head to see Jesse’s reaction.
“If you’re ready this weekend, then I’m ready, too.”
“Okay, but I want it to be special, so maybe not this weekend. I’d thought about suggesting it when we were in DC, but there was so much else going on, it didn’t seem right.”
“I agree,” replied Jesse. “I, for one, would’ve been too tired each night to have enjoyed it to its fullest.” Jesse tightened his arms slightly around Alex.
“Good, I’m glad you agree,” said Alex. “I have to admit, I am very much looking forward to feeling you inside me.”
Upon hearing those words, Jesse’s arms suddenly went slack. Alex noticed Jesse’s reaction immediately, even though he couldn’t see Jesse’s face.
“Jesse, what’s wrong?” Alex asked, concern evident in his voice.
Jesse was quiet for a moment before responding. “Uh, I guess I thought you were a top,” he finally replied.
“Well, you know I have very limited experience. And yes, I have only topped. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to experience sex with you in both ways.”
Several seconds of silence passed before Alex continued. “Jesse, is there some reason you don’t want to top me?”
Quietly, Jesse replied. “I never have topped before.”
Alex quickly turned his head toward Jesse. “What?” he asked, significantly louder than Jesse had been speaking.
“Um, I never have topped,” Jesse answered, discomfort evident in his response.
“You were in a same-sex relationship, at least on and off, for what, six years? I’m pretty sure you weren’t celibate during that entire time. And you mean to tell me that you never once topped? Never?”
Jesse’s response was even quieter than before and spoken with a hint of embarrassment. “No.”
“Okay, just so I’m clear, there is no real reason that you wouldn’t want to be on top, right? You were just never given the opportunity to take that role?”
“Yes, I think that’s a correct statement.” By now, Jesse sounded almost bashful to Alex. “You know I’ve only been with one man, and he only wanted it one way.”
“God, your ex was a total asshole.” Alex regretted the words as soon as he uttered them, but they were spoken with both conviction and honesty. “I’m sorry, Jesse, for that outburst. I have no right to criticize your ex.”
Again, a brief silence before Jesse responded. “No, Alex, you’re right. I know you know he was a taker and never a giver. This is just one more example of that. Don’t feel bad, Alex. He was a total asshole.” A few seconds later, Jesse continued. “Are you sure, though? You aren’t scared of bottoming, are you?”
“To be honest, I am a bit concerned. I’m not sure if I’ve told you, but I do occasionally have issues with rectal fissures. Just one more of the joys of getting old, I guess. It would obviously be a buzzkill if I started bleeding everywhere. It’s possible that bottoming won’t be for me because of that. But as for being scared because of the pain? No, not really. You heard in great detail from Cam that I’ve got my own sex toy. Remember?”
Jesse nodded ‘yes.’ Though Alex couldn’t see his face, he somehow managed to feel Jesse’s response.
“I’ve never had any bleeding issues with my prostate stimulator. I’ve wished that it was longer than it is, so I’m certainly not concerned with additional, uh, depth, if you will. It’s not as big around as you are, so that’s a potential concern, but I’m not really worried about pain. I know you’ll be gentle and go slowly. The potential for bleeding is my only real concern.”
Silence again fell on their conversation briefly, before Alex continued, “You don’t have any worries about topping, do you?”
“Well,” replied Jesse, “I don’t think so, other than that I won’t be any good at it. I just never thought I would ever play that role.”
“I still can’t believe…” Alex said. “Sorry. Jesse, I don’t think you’ll have any problem. You just do what comes naturally. God, I just can’t…you did enjoy the role you took, right?”
“Oh, yes. To be clear, I do enjoy bottoming.”
“And I enjoyed topping. But you deserve to enjoy both roles if you want to. I guess the way I envision things going, I anticipate that I will more frequently be on top, but that’s just based on my limited experience. Maybe it will be the other way around. Either way, you deserve to have a say in what you like. I mean, you should at least be given the opportunity to decide what you like, and have the chance to try both roles, and determine what feels best for you.”
“Alex, you don’t know how good what you’ve just told me makes me feel.”
“Wow, okay, that was not how I envisioned that conversation would go. Well, to reiterate, I am ready when you are and when the time feels right. And I would like to take on both roles, as long as I’m able, and hope that you will, too.” He then added, “You know, we will both be giving our virginity to one another, in a way.”
Jesse smiled before responding. “Thank you, Alex. I love you, you know.”
Alex’s response was delayed. He finally spoke. “I love you, too, Jesse. More than you know.”
“I was worried there, for a second,” said Jesse. “When you didn’t respond.”
“Sorry, I didn’t respond because I was in no way expecting to hear that tonight, that’s all. I had to find my voice. Jesse, you’ve made me so happy.”
-----
“Hi, Cam! How are you doing?”
“Hi Dad! I’m doing well. What’s new at home?”
Alex and Cam chatted about their respective weeks for a few minutes. Finally, Cam fessed up to the real reason for his call.
“Dad, you know spring break is coming up. Do you think Chase could stay here again like he did over Thanksgiving break? He’s not going home for spring break.”
“Of course, it’s alright. What about Zeke?”
“Zeke’s heading to Florida with a few other friends.”
“Damn, I was hoping to see if I could get something going with him this time.”
“Dad, shut up!”
“You know I’m kidding, Cam. Zeke is damn cute, though, you must admit.”
Cameron rolled his eyes, even though Alex wasn’t there to see. “Whatever you say, dad. But do you think it would be okay to bring someone else?”
“You already know the answer.”
“Well, it’s my friend Josh. He’s from Marshalltown.”
“Marshalltown? You go through there to get from school to Des Moines, don’t you?”
“Yes, depending on the way you take.”
“Is there any reason you’d like him to come here rather than just dropping him off at his house?”
“I was getting to that, dad. There’s a reason he’s not going home, though. You see, he just came out to his family. It didn’t go so well.”
“Oh, man, how awful for him!”
“Yeah, I guess his family goes to some conservative Baptist church. His folks haven’t exactly disowned him, so that’s good. That being said, I guess it’s just not very comfortable or welcoming at home right now. He thinks it would be best to stay away. He’s really down about how things have played out at home.”
“I can only imagine! Of course, he’s welcome. So, are you going to be on the air mattress in the middle of your room again?”
“I think only for a couple of nights. Charlotte’s spring break is over the week before ours starts, so I think both she and I will only be home at the same time for that first Friday and Saturday. I’ve already talked to Charlotte about it, so she’s okay if one of us sleeps in her room.”
“So, let me guess. You’ve already invited them, haven’t you?”
“You know it, dad.”
“You’re incorrigible, you know that?”
“So I’ve been told, dad, mostly by you.”
“And Cam? Be careful when you talk about other people’s identity. I assume it’s okay with Josh that you told me, but you should be very careful about outing people.”
“I know, dad. Josh is out to his friends, and I didn’t think he’d have an issue since you, uh, like the same things. Plus, since I’m inviting him to the spend the week with us, you deserve to hear the reason that he isn’t going home.”
“So, where does Josh rank on the cute-o-meter?” Alex said, laughing as he did so.
“Dad! And you say I’m incorrigible!”
“Again, let me know about allergies and dietary restrictions, if any.”
“I’m not sure about allergies, but Josh is vegetarian.”
“A vegetarian? From a small farming town in Iowa, the state that certainly must be the pork capital of the world?”
Cam laughed. “I thought the same thing. He really just started vegetarianism this year. He may be willing to cheat a little, too.”
“Like when I went to field camp in graduate school,” commented Alex. “There were four students in the group who were vegetarian, but one of the vegetarians did not consider bacon to be meat.”
Again, Alex heard Cameron laughing. “Oh my God, dad, that is so funny! I’m going to have to share that one with Josh!”
“On another topic, I’ve been thinking a little more about the podcast we were talking about doing,” said Alex.
“Go on.”
“I was thinking we might work on putting together a demo, or a pilot, over your spring break, just to see if we think we’ve got something worthwhile. Then, assuming what we come up with isn’t embarrassingly horrible, we can actually work on a few episodes this summer. If you’re going to have guests, spring break might not be the best time, though.”
“Actually, having Chase and Josh here might be a good thing. They could both help, if nothing else, to bounce ideas off. But I bet they’d be good at some of the technical things as well. It might be a diversion to keep Josh’s mind off his troubles at home, too.”
“And you know technology is not my strong suit, though I don’t think recording a podcast is too technologically challenging. I looked into it a year or so back, and Anchor was a free service that provided assistance with making podcasts. I know Anchor got bought by Spotify, I think, but I imagine it’s still available in a similar form. Maybe I’ll take a couple days off that week, then, so we wouldn’t have to jam everything into the weekends or evenings.”
“I’ve got a couple of friends who’ve put together podcasts,” said Cameron, “so I can ask them what’s involved.”
“Good idea,” replied Alex. “See if they can give you some pointers.”
“Well, dad, have you thought about what sort of format you’d like the podcast to have?”
“Yes, Cam, I have. I’ve even got a working title.”
“Well, what is the title, and what’s your idea?”
“The title I’ve come up with is ‘Shuffle.’ My idea is this…”
Posted 8 February 2025